Liam Neeson’s no longer threatening to hunt people down to kill them with his “very particular set of skills.” Instead, he’s bent on making sure his victims fall in love — or else.
In the Friday, February 9 episode of The Late Show with Stephen Colbert, Neeson appeared in a sketch that sees him auditioning for his next big role: Cupid. A menacing, violent, assassin-type Cupid, that is. The action star dons a pair of fluffy wings, a heart-embroidered red sash, and the ubiquitous bow and arrow for the part, but the words that come out of his mouth are anything but cutesy.
“I’m going to shoot this arrow right into your heart,” Neeson says in the sketch. While that line would be perfect in something like Taken, it doesn’t exactly align with the flying god of love’s gushy, caring demeanor. A man off screen suggests Neeson bring take a more lovey-dovey approach, but the actor can’t quite get it right. “No matter where you go, or where you hide, love will find you. Love is patient, like a trained assassin. Fall in love now, d*** it! Don’t make me use this,” he threatens.
And when he’s told he’s being too “intimidating,” Neeson takes things even further and insists that his interpretation of the Cupid character is correct. “I think what I’m doing is right. Just listen to the classic Sam Cooke song: ‘Cupid, draw back your bow, let your arrow go, straight to my lover’s heart,'” quoted Neeson. “That’s a kill shot, pal. Penetrate the aorta. He’d bleed out in 10 seconds. [Cupid is] a trained methodical marksman with deadly aim, shooting arrows into random victims.”
Neeson’s Cupid also clarified hat he only makes his living victims fall in love, not the ones he kills. He ended the fake audition with an ominous warning: “If you two don’t fall in love, I will look for you and I will find you and I will change your relationship status to ‘it’s complicated.'”
Take a look in the full video above.
The Late Show with Stephen Colbert airs Monday through Friday at 11:35 p.m. ET on CBS.